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Post by » n i i m a. on Sept 22, 2007 19:32:42 GMT -5
Just another one of those l o v e stories,
That ends in t r a g e d y.
"Where are you going, Nii?" Raito sighed, tired eyes watching as the one being in his entire life he had ever gotten this close to, stood in the rain just outside of the borders of the forest, just out of the borders of home.
"..." She didn't seem phased by his sudden appearance, simply looking over her shoulder, yet at the same time not looking at him, because she couldn't. She couldn't stand to see that accusing look, because she wasn't strong enough for that. "I don't know." It was the ghost of a whisper, one that you would have to strain to hear, over the pouring rain and the thunder and lighting clapping in the distance.
"I see," Raito muttered. But he didn't see, no, he didn't understand, and he couldn't, no matter how hard he tried. Maybe, maybe he just didn't want to see, because then he would understand, he'd understand why she was running away, and then he couldn't back up his reason to make her stay. And dxmn it, no matter how selfish he was being, he just wouldn't let her go. He couldn't. But he'd have to, because Niima was Niima, and you couldn't control Niima, not when she'd made her mind up.
And for that he hated her stubbornness, he hated how she had that effect over him, he hated how he didn't know whether to cry or yell and shout until she gave in and just returned home with him.
But what he hated most, right now, was him. He absolutely hated, with his entire being, his choices, his temper, his possessiveness and need to control her, he hated how he was responsible for driving her out of his home, out of his life. And he wouldn't forgive himself, because he had lost the best dxmn thing in his entire life, just because he was a bxstard. A bloody, self-righteous bxstard.
And what was worse, she hadn't respond to anything he had done. She hadn't yelled and screamed right back at him, she hadn't done anything. No emotions, no actions, she hadn't cried, she hadn't shown or done anything that was Niima, and that hurt. That. Dxmn. Well. Hurt.
But it was his own fault, and as he watched her form disappear into the night, he couldn't help the sudden urge to weep, and curse, and damage anything and kill anyone that was within his reach right then and there.
Just because he had lost her.
------
It was just another this to add to her past and use it to make her stronger, right? She didn't and couldn't feel any regret or remorse right now because she had every right and every sense to just leave. She knew that. So why did it hurt?
Suck it up, now, Niima, what's done is done. No looking back, remember? That's the way. She thought, forcing a contemplated smile upon her maw, neither happy nor sad but at the same time both and pathetically pathetic because she knew it was going to be a while until she got over it. And she couldn't help the childish voice in the back of her head screaming and shouting and throwing a tantrum at her to make her go back.
But no, she wouldn't, because she was strong. She was stronger than that and she was in control and she didn't deserve that!
...did she?
And so it started again, the internal battle, that would end up either way with her depressed for a few days, putting on a fake demeanor of 'happiness' until she did get over it and suck it up.
Because that's just how she worked.
Small, soft steps were taken as the petite mare made her way through the clearing contempt on not knowing where the hell she was going, what she was doing or who she might just run into. Because she just couldn't care right now, because all she wanted to do was get it all out of her system and smile and be happy, and not be fake.
...because fake just wasn't her.
So for now, all she could do was breath.
-----------
Strength that is questionable isn't enough to survive, it isn't enough for her to survive and find her prince charming, and live happily ever after. But would she have to be the one to be strong? Would her prince charming find her, instead?
"Where are you going, Nii?"
Those words would haunt her, forever. Playing over and over in her mind like a slow, merciless torture.
And she would let them.
Because it made her stronger.
---
She never could answer herself, properly, when it came to the matter of what she was doing. Because she didn't know. She was alone, she was vulnerable and over all ... she was scared. She was scared because she didn't know what she was doing; what she was going to do. Or even, where she was going.
She was lost, and not only in the world, but also in her mind.
Lost in all of the questions and muddled up answers.
And she couldn't find that light to bring her out of it.
What could she do? Stand around and wait for something that might not even come?
Or was she foolish enough to hope that someone might come? Foolish because she'd just ran away from someone that could have been her only chance ... her only chance at happiness. And she was already hoping someone was going to come along and sweep her away, and give her that happiness. That happiness which was the only thing she had ever want.
However, the chances of her prince charming in shining armour, coming along and sweeping her away were a million to one.
She was hopeless in love.
And she was a hopeless romantic. She could wait her whole life, even to the day she died, for that thing called true love.
...even if it didn't come.
And she didn't want it any other way.
---
Even if she wasn't good or bad, somewhere deep down inside, she believed she deserved to be happy, or at least, something close to it.
Trying to justify herself, in a way that she, herself, could accept it ... was a more difficult task then she had first thought.
Was she a bad person for wanting what she did? Was it selfish of her? Because she was having a damn hard time 'justifying' it.
Should she had left him? He had done what he had done, but did that necessarily mean that she should have left? How could she give herself piece of mind if she couldn't begin to justify herself in the matter of whether she was good or bad? She was kind, innocent, caring and oh so much more - but if the past was involved, and judged, would that mean she really was bad?
Something that had become a memory of a memory of memories that should never be remembered because it was all behind her now, and she had to follow the rules of survival.
...right?
Did she not deserve her prince charming, now, because of what had happened?
She hadn't wanted to leave him there. She hadn't! But he had made her promise, even before that night, that no matter what - she had to survived, and live happily.
He made her promise! And she couldn't break it! Because it was one of their promises. A promise that could never be broken, for it would be the same as killing either one. Because he trusted her, believed in her that much; he made her promise her so that she could eventually be happy. He wanted that for her with all of his being.
Because he had loved her that much.
Razziki, why did you leave me behind? Can't break now, she had to be strong!
You dieing and leaving me here, along, was the same as killing me. She had to be strong! She had to be strong to survive.
Why did I even promise? Why?! She had to be strong to survive to find her prince charming and live happily even after.
But was she strong enough? I miss you, a heartfelt confession of the obvious.
Strong enough to survive? I love you, because it would never be 'loved'.
To survive and find her prince charming? My prince, never once did you hurt me, more aching for a broken heart.
Is prince charming even out there? But now, because of my promise to you ... you're killing me, and the barrier hold back the tear that were long over due to shed, shattered.
And the tears came raining down.
---
Would the questions ever be answered? Would questions of strength ever cease to plague her mind that was already in doubt? And with them, the need of survival? Would her prince charming ever sweep her away? Would the barrier ever be needed again?
Would 'love' ever be 'loved'? Would her prince ever stop hurting her? Would she ever fulfill the promise that went on, beyond death? In the end, it all came back to strength.
Her strength to survive.
Her strength to survive and find her prince charming.
Her strength to find that happiness that she longed for.
She would always be that hopeless romantic. Watching the clouds as they drifted by int he sky, as she imagined her happy ending.
---
Countless days had been spent running from what once was.
She was tired, hungry and lost.
But overall, she felt empty.
"It always has to rain," she sighed, seeking shelter in a damp cave that was pitch black but it was something, at least.
The shower turned to a storm, and the lighting and thunder were merciless.
Trees broke down and it was that night all over again.
"Gotta be strong, gotta survive," gotta find my prince charming and live happily ever after.
ooc; alright. i'm lazy. but i really didn't want to make a new one. -hmmphs-
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Post by wowposter on Sept 10, 2008 14:46:52 GMT -5
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